Silver Magazine spoke to some people who use dating sites after 50. Love? Lust? Hot? Cold? Yes? No? Let’s find out.
LUST
MARIA (54)
I had been married a very long time – 30 years – and the marriage was always very good. But the sex was always disappointing for me. It was good for him but not for me, and I couldn’t seem to get around that. When I turned 52, my sex drive was very, very high and he was very, very low. He was lucky to want sex once every two weeks.
We both knew our sex life needed something new, so we decided to make our relationship an open one. When you’ve been together for 30 years, having sex with each other is less important than it was when you were young. Our kids were raised and out of home, so it was time to have some fun.\
My husband preferred to take just one lover, and he sees her maybe once every two weeks. I don’t think his sex drive could take much more than that. But I decided to experiment.
So being 54, I thought that I would be less desirable. I also thought that men wouldn’t be open to the idea that we weren’t working towards a relationship, because I never wanted to leave my husband. I just wanted to have a more interesting sex life. And so I said that on my profile.
I was very clear that I wasn’t about to take on one-night stands and do that 300 times. I wanted to know the person and make sure they weren’t going to murder me and put me in a freezer. But also, while at this age we can’t get pregnant, we do have to be careful with STIs. I was looking for some regular lovers who were open to being very safe with sex. And I’ve had some really good success with that.
My biggest surprise was to see very young guys in my inbox wanting to have an affair, and it has been amazing. Only one of them I’ve taken up with. It is honestly because I couldn’t resist. He is 26 and he is absolutely stunningly gorgeous. And the sex with him has been wild. It makes me think that good lover are born and not taught. He hasn’t had a lot of partners, but he has sex as he has.
We see each other about once a fortnight and I am delighted to see him every time. I am on borrowed time though, he will find his life partner soon and then his focus will be her. So I enjoy it while it lasts. Porn has done a lot of good things for older women, thanks to the MILF category. Young men absolutely have fantasies about us and they desire us.
Each dating app offers a different type of dating. There are lots and lots of interesting people out there. And lots of people want to get to know you and have sex with you and take you on as a lover. They want to listen to you, and they want you to listen to them. And it’s been really, really refreshingly a good experience. I now currently have four lovers who I see maybe once a week each and they offer me different things.
One of my lovers is my age, he’s 54 and he owns a boat and he moors it at the Southport Yacht Club, and I go and stay on his boat one night a week. We have wine and we have dinner and it’s amazing. He has seen the world, and he has a lot of interesting things to say, and he’s got kids like I’ve got kids and they have their own lives now and that’s lovely. But that is his life – I don’t want to live on a boat! But sex on a boat is great!
My next lover, I like a lot. He’s divorced and lives on his own. He’s such a nice person, and you know what? I’d never married him in a million years. This guy is not exciting enough for me, but he is amazing in bed. So that’s been a diverting experience. And, he lives up the road and I can visit him whenever. I’m always welcome. I think it will work with him until he gets to the stage where he wants a second wife. And the second wife is not going to be me.
My other lover is a man that I didn’t meet through dating online. I met him at my gym. He is ten years younger than me. I don’t even know how to describe him. He’s really tall and broad, and he is properly wild. He is covered in tattoos and has a wild hairstyle and piercings. He’s into domination and other things that I have never experienced in my life except when I was reading 50 Shades! But when he strides into the room, picks me up and throws me over the kitchen counter, I lose my mind. You are literally never too old to try new things and this guy has put me through a loop. I could never have a relationship with him. He’s broke and irresponsible. But as a lover? Holy hell.
If you want just a casual thing, and you’re just looking to have a more exciting life, absolutely try internet dating. But do it sensibly. Always meet these people first in a cafe or a bar or whatever. If they want to meet you just for sex and they want you to come to their house at the first meeting, I think you’re going to have a bad time. This is because it is probably someone who just doesn’t care about anything but the sex. But if they’re willing to take the time to get to know you and have a coffee first or have some dinner somewhere or go for a walk on the beach first, they’re better guys. And then also always tell someone where you are. Always practice safe sex.
If, like me, you are an older woman who wants to explore her sexuality, then absolutely do it. I think this is an exciting time in our lives. We can’t get pregnant. We’ve got no responsibilities. Our kids are grown up and moved away. In terms of material things in life, we’ve got everything we need by 50. As we age we are more about the experiences, rather than things. So it’s a great time to grab your sex life with both hands and go for it.
LOVE
BILL (72) MET SANDY (68) on an online dating site.
I’ve been divorced for well over 23 years. I never got married again, but I’ve had relationships that never worked out for one reason for another. It took me a long time to get the courage up to put myself on a dating website. But eventually, I did, and I wanted to find a partner. Sandy got on the website, would you believe, find a partner for a New Year’s Eve party! She wasn’t looking for anything long term. She was just looking for a party partner because she hadn’t been to a New Year’s Eve party for years! She had been on her own for nine years, she decided to make the move. I was the first person she contacted.
I met Sandy about two weeks after I went online. When we connected, we started communicating on the dating site. After some correspondence, I asked, “Would it be okay if I sent you my email address?” Which I did.
We corresponded for about three weeks. The chats were nice, I could tell she was a lovely, lovely lady. And it all kind of went from there until Sandy said, “I think we should meet.”
We chose to meet at a place she was comfortable – her local surf club. After communicating with one another, we had a friendship happening by the time I had met her. After we met, I took her to Rydges at the airport. It is a really, really, really nice restaurant.
It was straightforward from there. We started dating and seeing one another and the friendship grew and we’re inseparable now. We celebrate the first of every month – it was the 1st of January when I first met her and took her out. And so as of the 1st of June, it has been six months.
I would definitely recommend meeting online. But be cautious about who you are corresponding with. Connect on the dating site but then continue to communicate privately off the site.
There are scammers out there. I started to communicate with a person calling herself Jewel. She was in Malaysia buying jewellery. She sent me very, very flowery messages. Next thing you know, she was asking me for money. Of course, I told her, “I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” And I never heard from her again. If someone asks for money, run for your life.
Sandy and I are going to move in together at the end of the month. Sandy is originally from South Australia and her two sons are living over here on the Gold Coast. So it makes sense that she moves in with me. She has sold her place in South Australia and things have worked out great.
She had her reservations in the beginning obviously, how things were going to happen. She kind of felt that we have met in a previous life because we just get on with one another so well. Now, we are totally inseparable.
In fact, where I get a lot of ribbing from my mates…Can’t you leave her alone? You’re always holding her hand, or you’re always doing something with her!
At the current moment, she is busily putting a lot of stuff on eBay because I’ve got an apartment here and it is fully furnished.
When I met Sandy, I was 71, I turned 72 in March. I said, “It’s taken me 71 years to find you.” And she says, “We’re meant to be and we were meant to meet later.”
I have two sons who are 44 and 42. My eldest is on the Gold Coast, and my other one is in Sydney. And Sandy has two sons as well around the same age group. We have all met each other and everyone is happy for us. I’m still pinching myself.
IN LIKE
MICHAEL (56)
My marriage was winding down and we were coming to what I thought was a natural end of the relationship. And so, I thought I’d see if dating was still possible over 50. I tried a few different online apps. Some of them were good and some of them weren’t so good.
I wanted something that would lead to a relationship, something to have a future. It was easy to arrange dates. The nice women on there will take some time to chat and get to know you a bit. Once you’ve established some sort of rapport, they are always willing to meet you for a coffee or something simple to start. This is just to see if you’ve there’s some sort of in‑person compatibility.
I didn’t have any sort of real chemistry with some of my dates. But I have kept them as good friends. And these are people that I still like to meet up with and have a coffee with. I see how they’re getting on and see how their dating experiences are going versus mine. I’m sure that one or two women that I dated probably thought that it would be nice to move things along. But I didn’t reciprocate those feelings.
Then I met Jackie. I think we just got on best. There was chemistry, there was the physical attraction. But also we were able to chat more freely and I think we had a better understanding of what we both wanted. And so, it just felt like natural.
Internet dating is definitely a good thing. Back in the day, you had to meet somebody in a bar or at a nightclub. You didn’t even know if they were single or not. You just had to sort of asking them. There was a lot of hit and miss and you could be rejected an awful lot. The girl might be attracted to you but if she was with somebody and you didn’t know that before you approached her, that was awkward.
Whereas online you know what you’re looking for and you know what they’re looking for. So, there’s a lot of the hit and miss stuff that is gone immediately from the equation. But also, back in the day, you were meeting somebody in a location, you were limited to the sorts of people around you in the places you were going to. Whereas online, you could meet somebody that you might never have met before.
I hope my relationship with Jackie will end up in marriage and world travel. There’s no rush though. Things have to go the way they go.
I would highly recommend online dating. It is an advancement on what in-person dating used to be.
KEEPING IT CASUAL
JANET (62)
I was single for five years when I met Albert. I was really looking for somebody that enjoyed the same things that I did. I was always looking for that drop[1]dead gorgeous guy, but then I changed things around a bit and started looking for a different kind of guy. I wanted a good personality. And someone who was interested in the same things I was – travel and fishing and all sorts of different things that I find me involved with.
I have finally realised that it is not all about looks. Companionship needs to be there as well as being attracted to him. I like having somebody to do things with.
I went onto an online dating site, and I met Albert. We chatted for a couple of days. He was away at the time so when he returned we met for coffee at a local restaurant. He was very nice and very considerate. And then we chatted some more and then I found myself on a second date with him. Fish and chips at Charis by the Broadwater… my favourite!
We just seemed to get on really well. He makes me laugh. Now we see each other a few times a week and spend a couple of nights at each other’s houses. I quite like that we still live in our own houses. After being single for so long, you have that independence. Even though we are in a relationship, I still like to have my own space, and he does too.
We don’t have any plans of moving in together in the near future. We’re quite happy the way things are going. While I don’t have any kids at home, his grown-up kids have just moved back in with him. And I don’t want to live in that tornado!
I would absolutely recommend dating online. If nothing else, it is a good giggle. ■
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